Valentine’s Day tends to bum single people out. It’s named after St. Valentine, an early Christian martyr, so you know Valentine’s Day is a bummer for him, so why should it be any different for you?
But this year, instead of being a bitter fun-sucker and focusing on the romantic love you don’t have, think of all the other kinds of love you do have.
I’m talking about true love, love that knows no boundaries, love that is always there for you and, most importantly, love that never has the need to “define the relationship.” I will give a few examples.
My first true love is Craigo’s. My relationship with Craigo’s is a romantic relationship. Truly, Craigo’s is like a woman. I think about Craigo’s all the time, I can’t get it out of my head. When I’m not there, I dream about the next time I will be there. When I smell pizza, my heart fills with longing. When I am eating somewhere else, I feel guilty and constantly look over my shoulder, hoping that Craigo’s won’t see me there and catch me in my infidelity.
When someone catches me staring off into space with a dreamy look in my eyes, I am probably thinking about Craigo’s and its Buffalo Wing Thing pizza, which is the pizza of my dreams. It has chicken wing sauce instead of regular pizza sauce, tomatoes and for reals chicken wings on top. It’s amazing. I would write a love song for it if I were good at writing love songs. I would spoon with the Buffalo Wing Thing if I could.
I am also madly in love with the baggers at Broulim’s. They always respect me and, more importantly, they respect my bread. They never put it in the same bag as the corn dogs, Pop-Tarts, Eggo waffles, Totino’s frozen pizza or Oreos. They always make sure it has it’s own bag where it is protected from getting squished into whole wheat tortillas. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what love is.
And the only thing that could rival my love for exotic pizza and strategically bagged bread is The X-Files on DVD because at any time I can watch – with no commercials – Agent Scully get feisty on some aliens. There’s just something about her. She has red hair, wears conservative high heels and suits and is cranky, skeptical and cynical, and I can’t think of anything hotter. If Mulder gets out of line, she just yells at him and, in a lot of cases, shoots him. She shoots and yells at a lot of other people too.
I’ve had flings with Syndey Bristow, Claire Bennet and Starbuck, but I always come back to Scully. She makes my fat heart go pitter-patter, and I think it’s something about that attitude. She could cast doubt on my ideas and shoot me any day (in the face, even), and it would only make me love her more.
I really think Scully and I were meant to be together. I know she is just a figment of Chris Carter’s imagination, but if being in love with a TV character is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
So this Valentine’s Day, all I need is a Buffalo Wing Thing, some unadulterated bread and about 45 minutes with my sweet Scully, and I’ll be happy.
Happy Valentine’s Day to me.