Monday, May 11, 2015

I hate bathtime

My 3-year-old son LOVES bath time. He splashes, plays, and sings at peak adorableosity, but he loves the bath so much that when bath time is over he goes absolutely insane. Wrestling a wet toddler is the worst. It's like trying to land a 35 pound fish, only a fish fighting for its life with a barbed hook in its face would be less slippery and more cooperative.

I try to to surreptitiously pull the plug and let all the water drain out gradually. My thinking is that if the bath dies of natural causes, he'll won't notice or he'll be less upset, but it never works.

To make things infinitely worse, he gets dry skin on his arms and legs, so we took him to the dermatologist who said to put industrial grade 10W30 super-thick skin cream on him as soon as he gets out of the tub to "seal in" all of the moisture. Then he runs off and it becomes one of those rodeo contests where they chase a greased pig. This is essentially what it's like:


Is it bad to compare your kid to a greased pig? I don't mean it in a bad way, just in a descriptive way, you know? I hate bathtime is what I'm saying. If someone could invent some sort of automated toddler washing machine, I'd kiss them right on the mouth.