I'm not going to apologize, mind you. I don't want to call people, or talk to anyone face to face. That would be too awkward for both of us. I think instead I will just print up cards that say:
Which is interesting: when someone has hurt me I want to humiliate them in front of as many people as possible, and when I have hurt someone I want to resolve it as quietly and anonymously as possible. Human nature, am I right?
Speaking of human nature: Immediately after thinking of this apology idea, I started thinking of more revenge fantasies. For example, I want to write a hugely popular bestselling book and put a bunch of passive aggressive dedications in it, such as:
Thanks for never helping me ever."
May you always suck it."
After plotting both simultaneously, I have to say it is much more fun to plot revenge than plan how to make amends. Ah, human nature.