Monday, November 10, 2014

I am (still) getting old

In the last few years I've looked for the defining moment when I officially got old and the good times officially ended. After much searching, I believe I've found that moment. It was the moment I had to buy this:
That's right: a nose hair and ear hair trimmer. Honestly, when I was younger I imagined that by the time I turned 32 I would have more money and less nose hair, but here we are.
Getting older used to freak me out, but now I've made peace with it and I kind of enjoy it. I feel myself getting more curmudgeonly with each day.

I balk at prices. I say things like, "This costs how much?" and "Let me see that receipt!" and "Didn't this use to come with more?" A close cousin of price-balking is cheapness. I just bought $11 shoes on clearance that I don't like at all. They're ugly, but they match my shirt which is covered in baby spit up and my pants which are covered in toddler grime.

I criticize what people who are younger than me are wearing, like, "Why is everyone in yoga pants all the time? Like, you just got out of yoga class, or you're perpetually on your way to yoga class? I don't buy it."

I've also said, "Everyone is always texting me. Why don't people ever call anymore?"

I have problems with some new music. Whenever we're listening to the radio in the car, I'm always raging: "They're not even trying with these lyrics! They're just rhyming things! I wonder how many copies 'downloaded.'"

When you get married you get someone to grow old with, literally. My wife and I were driving and there were several songs in a row about "live like we've only got tonight" and my wife snapped. She said, "Why are all the songs about this cliched nonsense? Why doesn't somebody write a song that's like, 'plan for your future, open up a checking account and start building credit' or something like that!"

I looked at her, and in that moment I realized that we are going to be an amazing old couple.


  1. Well, if you believe you are amazing, then you are. You sound kind of grumpy to me, and I'm older than you are. Not everyone can be as cool and hip at an advanced age as I am.


  2. Well I think I can give a glance into the future or what it holds. So I'm doing my manly Paul Bunnion or whatever his name was and cutting down some dead trees in the yard. Feeling pretty accomplished and proud of myself. I can still do pretty much what ever I want. (Except now I pay for it.) Hey what's this lump on my Achilles tendon? (Squatting while I cut down trees, no cool story just Squatting.) Oh well I just shake it off and move on 6 months and 4 Dr.'s later and a boot. Oh yea that lump torn Achilles tendon and oh yea it heals in about a life time of boot wearing or 3 months which ever comes 1st.) Hey I had casts that I only had to wear 5 weeks!

    And yea the reason it still sore your just doing it over and over and did I mention you could rupture it if. Okay boot, I get it so get fitted and drive off in my manual PU. Oh this is going to be interesting I could borrow my wifes car. Nope can't get in and out of the stupid Import. So if you hear about some freak accident in Rio Rancho with someone's foot slipping off the clutch and jamming the brake oops, that would be me, cause you just kinda guess where your foot is cause you sure can't fell what the heck is going on down there.

    So I sucked up my pride and went to DMV and got a handicapped mirror thingy. Yep so much for giving my son the you whiner when he got his for a knee injury. Yep and I might got run down some 32 year olds that get in my way at Wal-Mart driving that motorized demolition derby thing that resembles a shopping cart/wheel chair.


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