Sunday, February 2, 2014

Craigslist Murder Band


Since we've moved I miss my old band and I miss playing shows, so I went on Craigslist and found a band who needs a guitarist.

We set up a time to "jam," which is essentially a band blind date where you go and play some music together and kind of try it out to see if you play well together. But it's Craigslist, so it could really just be a murderer trying to lure me into his murder trap. Maybe it's a serial killer who preys on lonely musicians in their early thirties who want to relive the glory days. I don't like being murdered, but I do I like playing music. This is the dilemma one runs into any time one uses Craigslist: Cheap couch or grisly death? That couch looks pretty sweet in the pictures, and it's only $25! I'm gonna risk it.

I tried finding a band on Craigslist a couple of months ago. I wasn't murdered, obviously, but it didn't work out. They were all in their early 20s and were like, "We're gonna practice three times a week and play shows every Friday and Saturday and we'll all pitch in money for some studio time and buy a tour van and we're gonna get signed and make it big!"

If I had met those dudes ten years ago, I would've said, "I'm in!" without hesitation. However, at 31 all I could think was: "The music industry doesn't really work like that anymore and I have a wife and kid and I'm a full-time student and I don't have time/money/energy for this."

They were also smoking copious amount of weed, which is fine for them. However, I'm 31 with responsibilities and I can't exactly be smoking weed on a weeknight when I have to go home and put my son to bed. I don't need him asking me, "Daddy, why do you smell like pine cones?" 

I had to tell them that I had a great time on our band date but they were not my type and I was just not interested, which is always awkward.

So I'm gonna try it again with this new band and hopefully it will be fun. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm dead. Please report me as a missing person to the Cleveland Heights Police Department.

12 comments:

  1. Well at least they were smoking weed during the interviewing process so you knew what you were (not) getting into. Haha.

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    1. Oh yeah they were quite casual about the whole thing. Good times.

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  2. Pine cones, try skunk. I have an aversion to marijuana just because I think it smells like skunk. Hopefully you find a laid back jam band with no music career aspirations.

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    1. Yeah music for music's sake is where my heart is at now.

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  3. Pine cones? More like tumbleweeds.

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  4. Ah, Craigslist. I just met a lady in the parking lot of a grocery store to sell her some paper punches I'd listed on KSL (Utah's equivalent), and I was paranoid the whole time that I was going to get murdered. You never know, even if they seem like sweet, craft-minded ladies on the internet.

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    1. You never can tell who is going to be a murderer, can you? A sweet craft-minded lady would be the perfect cover for a serial killer.

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    2. Just sold a car on Craiglist I couldn't have been more honest and made more full disclosure, trying to weed out folks who thought a cheap car without issues actually existed. They do it's your Grandmothers car and they rarely sell them on Craigslist. So I had this dude who kept responding to add (which by the way is the only way I do is no #'s no email and screen the heck out of them), anyway this guy kept saying what's your bottom line? Really, is that the best you got? Anyway, in the end against my better judgment I emailed back what's your top offer. To my surprise he said $700. However, I know that's just a game and then he'll show up to the house with $500 if he comes at all, and try to talk me down again. So I ignored him and had a few actually come by and one guy offered me $700 in person. SOLD only it never works that good. Gave me $200 to hold till Thursday. So Thursday he shows up, HEY you took the Licence Plate off I'm going to get stopped by the police and what about Insurance?. Heck yea you're not using my newly renewed plate and commit felonies all over the state and country with my plate. Oh yea I'll throw in 6 months of car insurance with that! Long story I got the $500 and he didn't get the plate, or my insurance ID card and mumbling something to the effect that I hated native americans etc. Yea that's it, and the fact I been burned before. Oh and my daughter is Navajo For you back in the Midwest that's a native American tribe in the 4 courners area of NM, AZ, UT, & CO. Nope I like Native folks I'm just not crazy about the craigslists types period. Hey have you heard of the band "the Brothren" that's your best bet. Craiglist isn't likely to produce anything but crazies looking to take advantage of you somehow some way. Really Craiglist?? I've heard it compared to the old wild west. Fastest Gun/Lawlessness, and all the other less desirables of the day. Same thing except you don't get shot at high noon it's at the Walmart parking lot over a $25 phone or worse. You don't meet nice people thru CRAIGLIST, Really you don't.

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    3. Yeah I've had similar experiences trying to sell guitars, amps, etc.

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  5. Hope you find yourself a band. My daughter has been playing guitar for a little over a year. There are a couple of guys at school that play and one of their younger brother plays the drums. Together with my daughter, they are trying to cobble together a band. I love it! I think it would make for some great memories for her later in life!

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    1. That's cool, when you're in school is the best time to be in a band.

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