Sunday, November 10, 2013

No matter how many I dispatch with the axe, more keep coming

I'll fill you in on my first semester of grad school. It can be summed up in three words: SO. MUCH. READING.

If you want to know more about it, grad school also includes: listening to lectures and writing excruciatingly long papers, which is similar to my experience getting a masters degree. Oh and there are also research meetings. That being said, I quite enjoy it. Everyone I've met so far has been helpful and nice and the work I'm doing is interesting.

I want to say a quick word about international students: they make me feel bad about myself. The international students I know are doing awesome in the program and excelling and they're doing it all in their second, third or fourth language, meanwhile I'm struggling along in my first and only language.

I'm not super busy yet, but the amount of work is steadily building as the semester goes on, I can feel it. That's all I'll say because I don't want to be that guy who talks about how busy he is, because I've found that people who constantly talk about how busy they are aren't really as busy as they say and mostly just want other people to know how important they are.

I do feel a pretty steady stream of anxiety, which has caused me to have some kind of recurring symbolic stress dream. In it I am on a large farm in Bernalillo, NM (no idea why that location) and it is surrounded by zombies. I climb to the roof of the farmhouse to escape the zombies and spend what, in my dream, feels like hours and hours fighting off zombies as they try to climb up to devour me. No matter how many I dispatch with the axe, more keep coming, and then my alarm goes off and on that cheery note it's time to get the day started.

Lastly, all of a sudden the Sun has disappeared. Hopefully you all can see it from where you are, but we can't even remember what it looks like and sometimes doubt that it still exists. We have to rely on our memories, like, "Hey remember the Sun? Like how it was warm and bright and everything? Yeah, those were the good old days." We're New Mexico kids: used to lots of sun and not really equipped emotionally for so much darkness and rain, so the sudden solar departure has kind of thrown us into a funk. We bought a Seasonal Affective Disorder lamp and some Vitamin D gummies, and on any given evening you can find all three of us huddled around the S.A.D. lamp eating gummies and trying to cope the best we can.

So that's my life. Reading and zombies and Vitamin D gummies. Who knows what the future may hold?