Sunday, April 1, 2012

Just beTWIX you and me...

I haven't blogged in the last two weeks because I've been having computer problems and also lazy problems. But anyway, I'm back to do some more of what I'm best at: complaining and then transitioning randomly –and not particularly skillfully– into a weird story.

We finally paid off all the medical bills associated with having a baby, but now we've been noticing that a huge chunk of our money is still going to another baby-related expense: keeping his tiny butt clean.

Disposable diapers are enough to put a couple in the poorhouse. It breaks down like this:

We considered doing cloth diapers but ultimately I decided I would rather work three jobs, donate plasma twice a week and do sketchy drug trials before I touched a poopy cloth diaper or used plastic pants.

So my parents got me a Costco membership for my birthday and it's been a lifesaver and saved us tons of money. We have to buy tons of diapers, and at Costco the only way to buy stuff is in units of tons, so it works out.

The only problem is they also sell other things by the ton at Costco, like Twix candy bars.

“Are you sure we should buy a ton of Twix?” my wife asked. “You know how you are with sugar. Plus, I don't think it will fit in our car.”

“I'll tie it to the roof,” I said. “And I'll be fine. I can control myself.”

It was the equivalent of a hardcore alcoholic bringing home a distillery. Later that night my wife –awoken by the sound of gnawing– came out and found me elbow deep in a package of Twix, smeared with chocolate and with piles of golden wrappers scattered all around me.

Costco is a cruel mistress.

Anyone have money-saving baby advice? Please leave a comment, it's fun!