I've been having bad luck at the check
out counter lately. Take last night: I went with my wife and my
infant son to one of those specialty grocery stores, where most of
the food is organic or vegan and all the employees are
perky-bordering-on-creepy. And it had a crapload of
wine. Here is what happened to me at the checkout counter, and keep
in mind that my wife doesn't drink.
Checker: “Did you folks
notice that we're having a sale on wine today?”
Me: “Oh, we better not.”
(pointing at my wife)
“My wife here just got sober. How many days is it now, dear? Show
him the little A.A. coins you got in rehab.”
I thought I was being hilarious,
but Wifey was not impressed. This is frequently the case.
My next mishap happened when I was at
Walmart (forgive me for my sins). My wife refuses to go to Walmart,
partially because of moralistic reasons but mostly because she gets
claustrophobic and panicky at the hordes and hordes of people pushing
and shoving trying to save money. Also, at our Walmart low prices
seem to come in exchange for any type of customer service.
So I was at Walmart with my son sitting
in the cart. I was loading my groceries onto the conveyor belt, which
left my kid sitting undefended in the cart while the creepy people
behind me in line snuck up on him. When I turned around two
middle-aged women and their two infectious daughters had their hands
all over my son, touching his feet, hands and face.
“He's so cute!” they all said.
“Stop touching him!” I yelped.
Women, daughters and cashier all looked
at me like I was the biggest jerk in Walmart history.
“Do you even have clean hands? Are
you current on your shots? I mean, you can't just walk up to someone
and start touching them, even if they are a baby! When has that ever been OK? What if I just walked up and started touching your
daughter's face?”
Needless to say, after I paid for my
groceries I beat a hasty retreat. I told my wife about it and she
said it reminded her of when she was pregnant and she got all sorts of unsolicited
belly touching, so Junior should be used to it by now. Something about pregnancy and
babies makes people forget normal human boundaries.
So for now I'm avoiding grocery stores.
I think I'll start ordering groceries online, or maybe pay a neighbor
kid to go for me.
Anyone else had a similar experience? Each time you leave a comment, a puppy's life is saved.