Sunday, May 8, 2011

Oh, it burns!

My wife and I just celebrated an anniversary, and even though things are going well I have noticed a few differences between she and I that cause us to have “discussions.”

1. The sun. My wife can be outside all day in the middle of summer and she gets a beautiful tan with no ill effects. Not so with me. The other day we went on a picnic and I realized I forgot to bring a hat or sunscreen so I started to panic.

“We have to find some shade quick!” I said anxiously. “Hurry, give me your shirt and let me put it over my head!”

We had only been out for 30 minutes, which for me is about 29 minutes too long. I had already started to blister, burn and peel. My wife could hardly comprehend it.

2. The Thermostat Wars. My wife likes it at a muggy 82º, while I prefer a cool 66º. I'm not sure why we have a 16 degree temperature gap. I can only think of two possible explanations: I'm fatter than she is, and my ancestors come from cold snowy climates while hers come from warm tropical ones.

3. The kind of dead animals we will and won't eat. I love friend chicken but my wife can't eat it because it comes on the bone. However, she can sit in a seafood restaurant with a huge smile on her face and dismember a crab with little metal implements. This is very disturbing to me because it's like she's performing and autopsy on the crab.

“The victim was killed by getting boiled alive, cracked open and having all of his innards scooped out by a little tiny fork and sprinkled with lemon juice. We're dealing with a very disturbed killer!”

4. Preparedness. My wife likes to prepare for things waaaaaaaaay in advance, and I like to take things as they come a.k.a. procrastinate. As I've mentioned, we're expecting a baby so my wife sent me a link to pictures of the 31 flavors of baby poop and detailed descriptions of what each specific type says about your baby's health.

I was understandably horrified, but my wife said sternly, “We need to know this stuff.” I love my wife but I am not about to memorize the different colors and shapes of baby poop. I'll worry about that when the baby gets here.

5. School. I hated college, and when I graduated I didn't even stick around for the graduation ceremony. My wife loved college, and wishes she could go back. When fall rolls around and all the stores are full of school supplies, my wife just sighs and gazes longingly at the protractors and notebooks. I think that's just perverted and sick.

However, despite our small differences, we are still having lots of fun. Hopefully the baby coming doesn't mess that up.

Anyone else have funny spouse/partner differences? Leave a comment if you please.