Monday, January 31, 2011

This baby brought to you by...

On Wednesday we go in for The Big Ultrasound. You know, the one that tells our friends what color the presents they bring to the baby shower should be. According to the plethora of pregnancy/baby info sites all of the important stuff is formed by 20 weeks, so all that's left to do now is pay an ultrasound tech to take a good hard look.

Yikes! is all I have to say. Is it that time already? Seems like only yesterday my wife was hysterically waving that little stick with its ominous dual lines in front of my face, and I was saying, “Didn't you just pee on that? Get that away from me! Just tell me what it says.” But now our baby is approximately the size of an ornery cantaloupe and keeps my wife awake with all of his or her kicking and punching.

All I can say is I hope we’re having a boy because we’ve already agreed on a boy name. We can’t seem to come up with anything for a girl name. When we do come up with something, my mother-in-law inevitably hates it passionately, but we try not to listen to her anyway.

So I figure we are having a girl since we have picked out a boy name but can't agree on a girl name to save our lives. Life just seems to work that way, doesn't it?

I keep suggesting cool names, and since I love music a lot of them come from musicians, like Ani, Greta, Yadira and Dia. My wife is not a huge fan and says, “Do you really want to tell your daughter she's named after some rock star?” I don't mind because I think that's way better than telling her she was named after some random name we found out of a baby name book.

As you can see, we are getting nowhere fast. One thing we might try is telling our friends that the baby's name is up for grabs and they can submit an essay outlining why we should name our baby after them and how much they love us. Then we'll simply to have to name her after whichever friend writes the best essay.

I also have another fantastic idea, but I'm certain Wifey won't go for it. The more I think about it, the more I realize that having a baby is going to be fantastically expensive, so to offset the cost, we can offer to name her after any corporation that wants to “sponsor” our baby, kind of like selling ad space. I am a genius. Shoot me an e-mail if you want a piece of my baby.

I'm sure she won't like growing up with a name like “Nike Verizon Hyundai Barben,” but she'll forgive us when she gets a free car and smart phone from her corporate sponsor.

Any name suggestions? Leave a comment, if you please.