Monday, November 8, 2010

"Exercise" and "discouragement" are often used in the same sentence

Tonight a friend told me, “Hey, you've lost some weight!” and it was bittersweet. Sweet because, yeah, I really have lost some weight, and bitter because, yeah, I used to be a lot fatter than this. I've struggled with weight for a while now and it was nice to get some recognition.

If you too want to look... uh, less fat, just follow my simple step-by-step instructions and see pitifully small results that don't seem proportional to the amount of effort you're putting in, and only after several weeks and months of hard work! It's easy and fun!

Step 1: Grow a beard, which goes a long way toward covering up a double chin. (If you are a woman or a sissy man skip to step 2.)

Step 2: Stop consuming soda, candy, ice cream, fast food, etc. A good rule of thumb is, “If it tastes good, don't eat it.”

Step 3: Make yourself exercise. One of the best things you can do is join a gym because once you begin paying handsomely for the privilege you will be much more likely to work out. That's what motivates me, anyway.

One of my preferred (the one I hate the least) exercises is running. I prefer to run outdoors, but this time of year it is too cold to do so and now I have to run on a treadmill, which I hate for the following reasons. First, treadmills are merciless, feel no pity and if you can't keep up they will buck you right off; and second, once you get done running on a treadmill your top half still feels like it is moving forward at running speed while your bottom half feels like it is wading through peach Jello with Mandarin oranges imprisoned in it.

At my gym the treadmills are placed near a large window that overlooks the pool and I know it's only a matter of time until I get thrown off, crash through the window and land on the unsuspecting people swimming laps.

How is everyone else doing on their physical fitness? Making any headway? Or are you one of those no good, low down, dirty, rotten people who can eat whatever they want, never exercise and stay skinny? Leave a comment if you please.

And you might be interested to know that our upstairs neighbor continues to increase in creepiness and we've decided he might be the West Mesa Bone Collector.


  1. Heh heh. Thumbs up on the illustration. (I think all of your blogs should be illustrated!)

    I also have to watch what I eat. Things have been going better for me once I figured out that refined white flour is the enemy.

    PS - You really are looking skinnier. Keep up the good work!

  2. I have to work hard for my results. Even though it is hard work I am glad I am not one of those people who can eat anything, not exercise and still be skinny. The reasoning is I will have a healther more fulfilling life then if I ate whatever and never exercised. So in a way me being able to gain weight easily is kind of a blessing and motivator to be healthy and happy.

    I have struggled with weight for many years but find when I am exercising and eating well I am way happier than when I am not. Congrats on some weight lost. Go you. I remembered you saying that you wanted to eat healthy and work out for the rest of your life? Where did that motivation go?


  3. Miranda,
    I am trying to illustrate every one, which is more work that I imagined.

    I still have that same motivation, but I struggle to find the time to exercise and I had become pretty sloppy in my eating habits. Plus, you're supposed to gain 15 pounds if you're in a happy marriage, which I am. Anyway, spirit is willing, flesh is weak.

  4. I live in a rather cold climate in the winter and am too cheap and scared to join a gym, so my workout routine takes a huge hit in the late fall and winter. In the spring and summer I run a few times a week. I am less motivated to do so when my lungs burn from the cold.

  5. As I sit here checking up on email and the like after work I am in the middle of that mental bargaining game about whether or not I will make use of the fact that I have just enough time to gym/shower before I go to job #2. Days like this are especially rough because I'm tired...but I know that bittersweet thing pretty well... I think you reach a certain point where you have become so fixated on your heavier self that you fail to even notice the bitter portion. "Yeah, I was fat, but BOOOSH CHECK ME OUT NOW SUCKAAASSS." OK, so maybe that's not quite how it goes. But still, once you start seeing results, I find it a lot easier to stay motivated. Starting out is really rough. "I WENT TO THE GYM EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS WEEK AND I'M STILL FAT. WHY AM I STILL FAT? I AM SO DEPRESSED. I SHOULD GO EAT AN ENTIRE TUB OF ICE CREAM AND BEMOAN THE FACT THAT I AM STILL FAT."

    ...not that I have any thoughts/feelings on the subject or anything.

    I like the illustration. I think that's a perfectly logical fear you have there.

  6. As others have said, great illustration.

    What I've done is a balance. I still eat food that tastes great (greasy, chips, ice cream), but I limit that to Saturdays. All other days I try to eat a balanced meal, but knowing that I get one day to eat whatever keeps me focused on eating well.

    I do exercise, it's getting closer to winter, but it's still warm to go running outside. I find swimming in the winter is a great thing to do. And if I can walk somewhere, I will walk rather than take the bus or drive.

    Also, not focussing too much on losing weight and concentrating on being healthy I find works best for me. The more I think of losing weight, it seems like I gain more pounds.

  7. I have struggled with weight almost my whole life, too. My mom was a serial yo-yo dieter and was ALWAYS making remarks about my weight and appearance. And finally, enough was enough. I drastically cut my caloric intake and started working out. It sucked at first.

    Then I found the secret:

    Hood music. Nothing makes me run more furiously than ghetto blasting the nastiest shit available in the 3rd tier hip-hop subculture.



Commenting is good for your health! Or so I have read.