Monday, May 24, 2010

Scrabbling for two OR Denver on my mind

I’ve been married for about a month now and the number one question that people ask me is, “How is married life?”

That’s good, because for the longest time the number one question was, “When are you going to get married?”

When people ask me how married life is, I invariably reply, “Great,” because it is. After I say that, though, a lot of people have something derisive to say about marriage, like, “Great? Well that won’t last long. I give you about a year,” or “You’ve only been married a month.”

There are two schools of thought: pro-marriage and anti-marriage. Pro-marriage people are cheesy and annoying but I prefer them to the anti-marriage people, who take a kind of perverse pleasure in raining on your marital parade and telling you how naïve you are.

I don’t know why. It’s not so bad, I promise! They are like the Grinch, only they hate marriage and they’d steal it if they could.

“And the Marriage Grinch snarled with a sneer,

‘All the cakes that they bake and the pictures they take!

I say it’s a mistake and it makes my head ache!

I like ice skating and I like snow sledding

But the best thing to do is stop people from wedding.’”

I think some people have had a bad experience and are understandably disenchanted, but their bad experience doesn’t mean I will have a bad experience also. Them hating on my marriage is kind of like this:

“Hey I heard you were going to Denver for the weekend and I just wanted to tell you that I went to Denver once and it sucked.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah I had to go to the bathroom and we were stuck in rush hour traffic and I had to hold it for three hours. Then we went to a restaurant and I got a cockroach leg in my menudo and an antennae in my chorizo.”

“So that’s gonna happen to me if I go?”

“Most likely. Denver is just really ugly and stupid and 3Oh!3 are from near there. What more can I say?”

Being married is awesome for lots of reasons, most of which I will not go into here at the risk of being corny. One of the unexpected perks of being married is that when my wife and I play team Scrabble we dominate. With our powers combined we are unstoppable. When I was single I was pretty good at Scrabble, but now that I'm married it's like Me + Wifey = UNDEFEATED. We are like supervillains in some summer comic book movie. We wield Zs and Qs with devastating effect.

However, marriage is not all beating everyone at Scrabble and making them feel bad about themselves. Recently we have been engaged in the labor intensive task of buying a house, which is weird. It feels like an awesome new beginning but also a violent, gory end, like, “Wow, my youthful carefree days are SO over. Here are 1,000 square feet of proof.”

But the triple word scores make it all worthwhile.