Monday, November 16, 2009

I wake up weird and whiny OR I break for stolen lunches

I've complained a lot about growing up, becoming an adult and getting a real job. I've fought it the whole way but after four months I have to say that being grown up is not so bad. The worst part so far is waking up early.

In college there was always the option of getting late classes or sleeping through classes and getting the notes from an over-achieving friend. There were also tons of holidays, sometimes class got canceled and sometimes I would just pretend that class was canceled.

If it was work that was threatening to wake me up early I could always call in sick to whatever crappy minimum wage college student job I had that I didn't care if I got fired from. Most places that employ college students kind of expect them to be super-flaky anyway and they don't take it too hard when you bail on them.

Unfortunately, those days are in the past. Now I frequently find myself rising before the sun, and just as frequently, I find myself arguing with my alarm clock, which is a silly thing to do seeing how an alarm clock is an inanimate object and can't really be swayed one way or the other.

Alarm clock: Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Me: What?! It can't be 6 already!

Alarm clock: Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Me: But I'm so tired.

Alarm clock: Beep beep beep beep beep beep

Me: I swear I just went to sleep! Honest!

Alarm clock: Beep beep beep beep beep beep

So, having failed to convince my alarm clock to alter the space/time continuum and give me a few extra minutes, I wake up. But just barely.

Working is not so bad because the older I get, the more money I get, but I also lose my youth and my general enthusiasm for living. This principle could best be described in this graph I made in Microsoft Paint:

Working for a living is fraught with temptations, too. Where I work the office refrigerator is like The Garden of Eden. You know what The Garden of Eden is, don't you? God made the earth, saw that it was too clean, peaceful and orderly and decided to create the first man and woman whom he called Adam and Eve, respectively. Then God told them not to eat certain fruit, which of course they did the first chance they got.

Upon questioning Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. The serpent didn't have a leg to stand on. God was so annoyed that he kicked them all out of the pretty garden and they had to start wearing clothes, paying taxes and flossing.

The fridge is in the break room, but some people are too good to store their meals in a community food cooling receptacle, so they have their own small personal fridges in their offices. I can't afford one, and I think that having you own personal fridge in your office is borderline ridiculous, so I am content to stash my bologna sandwiches with everyone else's stuff.

The problem comes when I see what everyone else has for lunch and I am sorely tempted. Would it really be so bad to steal Co-worker's leftovers from Olive Garden? I ask myself. Other Co-worker would probably never miss that fried chicken, I think. Like Adam and Eve, I would definitely be cast out of the break room for eating that forbidden fruit. The main difference is that I'm not naked and God is not really involved, so far as I can tell.

Thank goodness.

8 comments:

  1. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT eat other people's lunches. I think that's actually the true test of a worker's merit. Or something.
    Anyway if somebody ate my lunch I would punch them in the throat.

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  2. I would be so pissed if you ate my lunch. And waking up does suck. I think the whole world should just start an hour or two later. We should get a petition going about that.

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  3. Haha. Nice graph.

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  4. At my work they installed cameras because somebody was stealing lunches. They caught him and fired him...something to thing about. :D

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  5. Hey! Hey! I don't steal lunches, don't worry. I just THINK about stealing lunches.

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  6. Listen to Ben Folds? "Everybody knows, it sucks to grow up..."

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  7. Mos def. I love Rockin' The Suburbs.

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  8. I have an award for you over at Jillie Side Up!

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