Monday, June 1, 2009

Envision my mom OR Mother and child reunion

I’ve been home for a few weeks and I found out that some of my family and friends have been reading my blog. Mostly they like it, but my mom is horrified.

“This is terrible!” she fretted. “They’re gonna read it and think that I raised you wrong.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“‘Binge drinking is awesome?’ Morbidly obese zebras?” she replied. “I didn’t teach you that stuff, but they’re going to think I did. Really you just went wrong on your own and I didn’t have a thing to do with it.”

Hmmmm. I didn’t think any of that stuff was that offensive. I know my mom reads my blog, so I keep that in mind when I write it. I really try to make it mom-friendly. Imagine what my blog would be like without my mom! It would be full of profanities and sexual promiscuities and racial epithets. Ok, not really, but I think it’s good that she reads them because it kind of keeps me in check. It doesn’t let me get too out of control.

But I guess I haven’t been doing a good enough job and I need to get a better mom filter.

So, for the record, when I am getting degrees and being polite, my parents taught me that. When I am writing blogs about ovaries and zebras, that’s all me. So don’t blame my parents.

This kind of reminds me of when I was young and I would do something annoying, silly or destructive and my mom would say, “You’re definitely your father’s son.”

And I would think, “Who else’s son would I be? Unless there’s something you’ve neglected to tell me! Was this fact in question until now?”

But then whenever I would do something smart or clever she’d say, “That’s my boy! You get that from me.”

On the other hand, my dad never really cared who taught me what. He was just happy when I did something right. He’d say, “Wow, that was pretty smart! I’m surprised. I had assumed from your track record that you would be doing something stupid. I guess every once in a while you’ve got to mix things up and do something intelligent, is that it?”

My dad used to get frustrated when I would do stupid things, but I did stupid things so much he just started to laugh about it. Like, one time I wrecked the car (“wrecked” is not quite the right word, more like “a small crash into a small ditch”) and I called him on the phone to tell him and he just laughed and laughed.

But like I’ve said, parenting is a rough job, and after eight kids my parents are just hollow shells. Laughing is all they can really do.

Anyway, if you see my mom on the street, please tell her what a nice young man I am.

Lie if you have to.

PS – After all the stuff I write my mom said she wonders what the people who read my blog think she’s like, so feel free to leave a comment describing how you envision her.


  1. Haha, my mum can be the same. I have a mum filter too. For a while I had a mother in law + sister in law filter (now that's a fun one), but that one got too hard so I just got a new blog and stopped caring because when they freaked out it usually made no sense at all!

    My impression is that you're a good bloke with a great sense of humour and your mum has obviously done a great job. Seriously, chill out Mum :) He's a good one - I've read some seriously dodgey blogs recently and this one is not one of them!

  2. Ya that's one of negative side effects with the whole social media direction the web has taken, as I see it. It starts mixing our social circles and you lose context.

    You put things differently when you're talking with old college roommates as would when talking to family or coworkers. But of course they're all reading the same blog or facebook comment.

    I wouldn't be surprised at all if things change in the near future to have something to establish context, like family specific, or friend specific content. Facebook keeps implementing things like that, but I think there is huge room for improvement.

    For the record I love your posts, they crack me and Clair up, so keep up the good writing.

  3. Honestly, your mom is my hero. She's managed to raise you all for the majority of her life now, and is still able to carry on a normal conversation. Sometimes, super moms forget how to interact with the real world and they get to be quite frightening. Especially when their voices turn to permanent baby talk.

  4. I actually got a good look at your mom in your "cutest picture ever taken" on facebook. Plus also, Mama Divett, if you read these comments, the two of your darling sons I'm acquainted with are 89% excellent, so I imagine you're mighty good at what you do. When Jacob talks to his friends, sometimes we have to say, "Oh no! Are you bragging about your mom AGAIN?!?! We get it! She's super woman! She had to deal with you through your awful teenage years! And there are dozens more of you at home, including little klepto. Incidentally, we also get that your little sister is cuter than everyone else's combined, but please! Stop bragging, Jacob. It just makes us jealous, and no one looks good in that shade of green." I'm not sure if your mother could have possibly done a better job with you than she did, accounting for your free will and all. That is why I don't blame her when you don't return phone calls or texts, or the other 9 percent of you that keeps you from being immediately translated. That's all you, brother. Your mom, I'd suspect, is an angel. Just like your bestie Rachel.

  5. Mrs. Divett: Jacob is a good kid. He is also very good at Dr. Mario, which I hear he got from you...

  6. I have to say that I look forward to your weekly blogs. They make me laugh and no matter how rough of a weekend/week/month it is... I know that on Monday's for at least a few minutes I'll be happy, amused, and full of giggles! Haha, okay... I'm being a little dramatic but I really do look forward to reading your blog. I think your cool and while your definetly your own person, someone had to raise you to be the kind of cool that you are and so I credit that to your parents... but mainly your mom since that's who I probably did hear more about. :)

    Mama Divett, from what I've heard your like a rockstar and the best mom out there. I think you did an awesome job raising the few kids of yours that I've met & I'm sure the rest are just as fabulous. I bet all blog readers have great thoughts about you because how could they not and only credit Jacob's random but awesome blogs to his wild imagination, or something. :)

  7. My parents recently discovered my blog, and surprisingly they're pretty fond of it. But I tend to filter most of what I say so it's mom/work/career appropriate, ha.

    Good luck trying to keep the mom filter on now though. I wonder if it'll sway what you write knowing your mom is in that audience.

  8. Just ventured over from 20SB and thought I'd say hi! Hope you have a great day!

  9. Hm, going on solely from what you described, because, you know, haven't met her or anything... I think your mom is AWESOME!