Monday, March 30, 2009

Let's get shallow OR Shallow is as shallow does

Let’s talk about being shallow. I would like to submit that we’re all shallow, like it or not. At least all the people I know are shallow, anyway.

I define “shallow-ness” as liking a person for superficial reasons. I think that is a good definition.

For example, my sister had a roommate who was always into guys for the wrong reasons. She’d go on a date and come back all glowing and say things like: “I love his truck, his truck is sexy,” or “He smelled so good,” or “I loved his shoes,” or “He’s going to medical school!” Stuff like that.

Then my sister would say, “That’s fantastic! But do you get along? Do you have things in common? Can you talk with him about stuff?”

She’d say, “Um, I guess so.”

She always wondered why her relationships failed. I submit that when a relationship is based on trucks, smells, shoes or careers, it is bound to fail. I could be wrong, though.

Besides gold digging, another way that people mess themselves up is basing a relationship on looks. They want to find a man or woman that looks a certain way. They run all around looking, or stay in crappy relationships with attractive people. A girl I knew blew off a perfectly good guy because he wasn’t a perfectly attractive guy and she couldn’t “take him home to mom.” I call that shallow, and I guess that makes her mom shallow, too. A guy who treats your daughter with respect is better than a good-looking guy in the grand scheme of things. Basically that mother/daughter duo needs to get their act together.

If you break it down, “attraction” is at the very most a matter of socialization, and at the very least an evolutionary impulse.

In the case of “attraction” defined by socialization, a society tells you that in individual who looks just so is “attractive.” And they tell you that enough times and then you believe it.

In the case of “attraction” defined by evolution, you are controlled by your evolutionary urges. This dates way back to caveman times and means that deep down all you want to do is perpetuate the species. As a man, you look for a woman with all the right reproductive qualities to bear you many children, know what I mean? This is all on a subconscious, evolutionary level, mind you! As a woman, you look for a man who can protect you and your young, so you look for someone who is strong and can wield a spear and provide resources or whatever. I don’t know exactly, but that’s the gist of it.

Either way, sociology or evolutionary psychology, we should be smarter than that. We should like people that we get along with and have things in common with, and attraction should not be such a big deal.

This is not to say that I am not shallow, because there are things that are totally superficial that I totally love. Some examples: I love Latin girls. I love girls with British accents. I love girls that can play musical instruments (a cool musical instrument, that is, like guitar or drums, not a piccolo or something like that). I love girls that go to bookstores. There’s other stuff I flip for, but I’m not going to tell all my secrets.

So the moral of the story is: don’t be shallow. And if you know any hot Latinas that speak with British accents, play drums and frequent cool bookstores, please send them my way. I make a lot of money.


  1. The Cave Woman looks very modern...

    But other than that, I think you are right!

  2. that cave woman doesn't have very good child-bearing hips, haha.
    I gave a presentation on this in one of my English classes this semester... people didn't like it very much.

  3. Fantastic, I love this post! I totally agree. Although I feel a little sorry for any piccolo aficionado's out there. Awkward... ;-)

  4. Great post!
    I think that if you have a shallow list of criteria and you refuse to budge from it, you can miss out on great people.
    If you are attracted to someone's personality and general vibe (or even believe in fate when you meet someone special) then you will find yourself loving their physical aspects more and more.

    My partner isn't some big ol' hunk but he's cute and more importantly he's my soulmate. You can't find a soulmate if you're too busy caring about whether you'll look cool in his car or not.

  5. I admit I'm shallow at times.

    And jumping to your latin fetish, I like latinos myself.

  6. You know who I find attractive? Men who exfoliate their lips. Remember when you accused me of being shallow less than a week ago? So there.

  7. burn - i totally can play the piccolo

  8. Does it count if I didn't know I was picking guys based on something?

    Someone recently asked me what kind of guys I liked and I realized that I've liked guys who were fat, guys who were extremely thin, guys who were black, guys who were white, guys taller than me, and guys shorter than me, but interestingly enough over 90% of them owned large trucks...

  9. haha... With how many do you settle?

    cuz my drums skill only go as far as "easy" on rock band... =/

  10. It's too bad we can't all play a cool instrument like the trumpet, for example.