Monday, March 23, 2009

Friends don't let friends text and drive

I want to say something controversial. More controversial than the zebra, and more controversial even than that one time I said that the American version of The Office is overrated.

But what topic could be more inflammatory than a morbidly obese Zebra? What could offend more than just incessant Michael Scott quote-ers?

I hate text messaging, that’s what! Hate. It. There, I said it.

I know a lot of people live for it, but what set this whole thing off was the other day some absentminded texter almost ran me over in the store parking lot, which sucks because they don’t let you into Heaven if you die in a text related car accident. St. Peter says, “You died how? That’s ridiculous, get out of here!”

I can tell you this much: people who text and drive do most definitely go to hell, of that I’m sure. Pretty sure that’s in the Bible, Qur’an and all other religious texts, and I think atheists believe it, too. And although they don’t let you into heaven if you get killed by a texting driver, they will, however, let you into the Guiness Book of World Records for “Most Pointless and Depressing Way to Die.”

I will admit that text messaging has its merits in a few select situations, like short, informational messages. And there’s the optional post-date wrap-up, which is always nice. Sometimes after I go out on a date with a girl she will text me and say, “Hey, I had a really good time.” Like I said: quick and informational.

But for general communicating and socializing, I think text messaging is a waste of life.

For one, text message “conversations” stretch on for hours and into days. They will bleed into weeks, months and years if you let them. Generally it’s not even anything important, just nonsense.

Sometimes I get a random text from somebody I haven’t heard from in a long time. They say they’ve been meaning to catch up, but a few minutes into the “conversation” I realize they just got bored while they were waiting in the doctor’s office to get a mammogram and there weren’t any good magazines. With the miracle of texting you can get messages all day from people who don’t really like you enough to call you, but will send you messages that are 160 letters or less.

Planning something over text messages takes FOREVER. The process of “What do you want to do?” plus the “who/what/when/where” of young adult social planning equals approximately 20 texts minimum. By the time you decide on something and get the logistics worked out whatever was happening has already gotten over.

The most tragic part of the texting epidemic is that some people just can’t stop. Their phone becomes part of their hand and they seem to never be able put them down because they are constantly texting a thousand people all the time. You can’t carry on a normal, in-person human conversation with them using primitive things like voices because they are so intent on whatever nonsense they are tapping out on their phone.

One girl tried to have a serious relationship talk with me over text messages, like, “So where do you think this is going?” This is how I responded: “Seriously?”

I just don’t think it hurts for human beings to talk to each other once in a while, especially if they can manage a face to face talk. We have to hang on to our humanity somehow.

So don’t text and drive. It’s not cool.


  1. I don't like excessive texting either. I agree - planning something is SO much easier in person or on the phone...hell, even email beats it!
    I often voice call my friends to arrange something after they text me (they totally know it - I'm the one with the phone bill) but i know that I can get it all over with in one sitting! Isn't that what efficiency is really about?
    SMS isn't really what it claims to be!

  2. Amen to that. pretty soon socializing will no longer mean actually hanging out with a person, but communicating with each other via technology while sitting in a darkened, stuffy room.


  3. txting and driving is quite terrible. but i know the reason i text more often than calling is because its much cheaper for me. I usually just text to confirm meeting times with friends and such.

    i do have a good friend who is ALWAYS texting. It's fine that he's so popular and has a lot of friends, but very annoying when I'm trying to have a converstation with him and every minute he's distracted by texting someone. I say if you're talking to someone and you recieve a text, just ignore. If it really was life or death, they would call.

  4. yeah, i'm pretty sure getting killed in a driving/texting accident is legal grounds for jesus to kick you out.
    kids effing text all the time in one of my classes. who cares if the professor is talking? i NEED to tell my bff all about the q t i saw OMG LOL JK

  5. Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

    Whatever happened to vocal chords...

  6. they don’t let you into Heaven if you die in a text related car accident. St. Peter says, “You died how? That’s ridiculous, get out of here!”- LOLS! That really had me laughing. Anyway...yes yes texting will driving is really bad. Here in the Philippines if you are caught texting while driving there is a penalty, but yet, that doesn't seem to scare off texters.

  7. Tried to vote for you but the button wasn't working...

  8. Thanks Ambles and anyone else who has voted so far! The button sometimes doesn't work, but if you check back later in the day it will usually be working again. Anyway, thanks everyone for reading my blog and voting for the band I'm in. Have a cool day!

  9. i'm not going to let my kids have phones with texting. i want them to learn how to hold a face to face conversation before they grow up.

    also, your tombstone is hilarious.

  10. I used to text and drive, but now I just teach my friends how to text on my cell, and make them do it while I am driving.


Commenting is good for your health! Or so I have read.