Monday, July 28, 2008

The universe evens things out once again

A female friend recently told me she didn’t like to go the mechanic because she was afraid to get taken advantage of because she was a woman. She said this wasn’t fair, but I told her that it was.

I told her that it all comes out even when a man goes to get his hair cut.

She said, “They told me I needed to buy all this stuff and I’m not sure I even needed it.”

I replied, “You aren’t special. When I got my hair cut, I had to buy shampoo-mouse-gel or something like that with smoothers and moisturizers.”

I couldn’t help it. The girl cutting my hair told me it made me look hot. And that it was made out of tea and trees. And she kept calling it “product,” and I don't even know what that means.

You think I’m stupid, but I’ve seen bald guys walking out of there all loaded down with stuff. I mean, they’re bald, so life has already dealt them kind of a harsh blow and now they’re being victimized by beauty school girls. That’s harsh.

And the only person I feel more sorry for is a red-haired bald person getting swindled. That is just one too many injustices to bear.

It happens other places too, like one time I was looking for some jeans and a saleswoman helped me find a good size and style. I went and tried them on and when I stepped out of the dressing stall to look in the mirror the saleswoman was lurking and proceeded to freak out, saying "Those look great! You should totally get them!"

I was immediately suspicious because she was way too enthusiastic, so I said "Do you get paid commission or something? Cause you are too excited about my pants."

"Um, they're just really cool jeans," she said, looking at the floor. She wouldn't deny the commission thing. She was a slick one, I almost got hustled.

Maybe my friend and I should stick together: I'll go with her to the mechanic and she can go with me to shop for clothes and get my hair cut.

Meanwhile, I'm going to go look up "product" in the dictionary.