My whole family left for the weekend and as I was wondering what to do the answer came to me quite quickly: sit around naked.
Seriously, what would you do? Who doesn’t secretly want to sit around naked all weekend? Then when you go to work your co-workers will ask “What did you do this weekend?” and you can respond “Oh, I was naked, man,” to which they will inevitably reply “Sweet, man, I wish I could have a naked weekend.”
So I had a planning session for Naked Weekend. It was quite short: X-Files on DVD? Check. Microwave burritos? Check.
Maybe I should be naked more often to show what a real man looks like. If you watch a lot of TV or movies, you might think that everyone is ripped and cut and tan and awesome-looking and it makes guys like me feel bad about themselves. By being naked more often I will fly the flag for chubby farmer tans to show the other chubby farmer tan guys that they need not be ashamed and should embrace their chubby paleness. It will be like the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty.
I think television is best watched naked. That’s all I have to say about that.
Sadly I decided not to do Naked Weekend out of respect for the other people that live in the house. I know I would get grossed out if I knew someone had been sitting on the couch naked, so I would hate to do that to someone else.
It’s a good thing that I decided not do Naked Weekend after all because one of my friends called me out of the blue and said “Hey I’m on Google Earth and I can see you sitting on the couch watching TV.” Apparently she has a lot of free time, or she gets a big kick out of creeping people out. Either way, it was an extremely close call. It could’ve been “Hey I’m on Google Earth and I can see you sitting on the couch watching TV naked and what is wrong with you?” What an awkward phone conversation that would’ve been.
But how was I to know they have spy satellites that can see into your house that people could access from their home computers? Is nothing sacred? So much for being naked. Ever again.
So now not only can I never do Naked Weekend, I have to shower in a swimming suit now.
And as it turns out Google Earth can't see into your house, homegirl just wanted to creep me out and I feel a little silly that I believed her for awhile. I knew it.