Thursday, April 24, 2008

Weddings

When I get married, I hope it is to a test tube baby or an orphan because getting married seems like an ordeal.

My sister Miranda just got married and I am pretty close to both my mother and my sister, so I was at ground zero when Bridezilla and Mothera threw down. I got a lot of phone calls like this:

Miranda: I just got off the phone with mom and I am so angry because hates weddings! And happiness.

Me:
Huh?

Miranda:
She doesn't like any of my plans and she makes all these demands and... (digresses into hysterical babbling.)

[Meanwhile, my mom calls on call waiting.]

Me:
Hey, mom. Can I call you back? I'm on the other line with Miranda.

Mom:
Oh really? Well, is she talking to you about what a self-absorbed brat she is? Because that's what she should be talking about!

Stuff like that. Every day.

If I ever get reckless enough to ask someone to marry me, I will tell her that I reserve the right to call the marriage off if she turns into a huge witch. I don’t know what it is about weddings that turns rational women into marriage maniacs. Frankly, it frightens me.

And I thought it would be over once it was over, but now my dad just complains about how much it cost him. I think they all missed the point.

Hot orphans and test tube babies wanted.

3 comments:

  1. Um, this is hilarious. I'm so glad I no longer live with engaged people (though I admit, Brooke wasn't bad at all).

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  2. man. oh weddings. my sister just married a mexican too! the wedding was perfect though. i guess it helps to be across the nation during the planning process...

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  3. My mom lives in mortal dread that one day I'll call her and tell her "and btw, mom, during lunch hour today, I got married" and it'll be in my fav denims and HD T.

    You don't want to know what wedding phobia is. I have it.

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