Thursday, April 24, 2008


When I get married, I hope it is to a test tube baby or an orphan because getting married seems like an ordeal.

My sister Miranda just got married and I am pretty close to both my mother and my sister, so I was at ground zero when Bridezilla and Mothera threw down. I got a lot of phone calls like this:

Miranda: I just got off the phone with mom and I am so angry because hates weddings! And happiness.


She doesn't like any of my plans and she makes all these demands and... (digresses into hysterical babbling.)

[Meanwhile, my mom calls on call waiting.]

Hey, mom. Can I call you back? I'm on the other line with Miranda.

Oh really? Well, is she talking to you about what a self-absorbed brat she is? Because that's what she should be talking about!

Stuff like that. Every day.

If I ever get reckless enough to ask someone to marry me, I will tell her that I reserve the right to call the marriage off if she turns into a huge witch. I don’t know what it is about weddings that turns rational women into marriage maniacs. Frankly, it frightens me.

And I thought it would be over once it was over, but now my dad just complains about how much it cost him. I think they all missed the point.

Hot orphans and test tube babies wanted.


  1. Um, this is hilarious. I'm so glad I no longer live with engaged people (though I admit, Brooke wasn't bad at all).

  2. man. oh weddings. my sister just married a mexican too! the wedding was perfect though. i guess it helps to be across the nation during the planning process...

  3. My mom lives in mortal dread that one day I'll call her and tell her "and btw, mom, during lunch hour today, I got married" and it'll be in my fav denims and HD T.

    You don't want to know what wedding phobia is. I have it.